I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
