honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
