I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
