My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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