Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
