nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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