All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
