dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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