Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
