I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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