Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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