Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
