i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
