i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i would punch a child for taco bell
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
