I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize