There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
