my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
