its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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