why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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