WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sext me about skeletons
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
