My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
