Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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