Betty ford says i'm here all night
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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