I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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