So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
