i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
