I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
