My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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