if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Someone signed my nipple.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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