I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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