READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
