Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I believe in your delicious
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
