His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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