you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
