This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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