Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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