My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
