It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
