She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
