The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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