Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Randomize
