and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
