She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
