he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
