I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
