How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize