So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bang-toberfest begins!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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