if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
