I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
this is an emotional support booty call
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
