I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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