My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
