Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
