The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
