if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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