I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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