yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
