if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
