Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize