I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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