grandma shit on top of the toilet
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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