you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No subtext here. People are naked.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
