Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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