Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
