So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
