the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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