This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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