No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
