Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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