You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
