and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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