there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
