Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
