I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
