I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
