Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
