I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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