the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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