i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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