I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize